¿No regrets? 

Those decisions that we make in life and that are not so good, can remain in our lives for years. Even after the effects have worn off, regrets may remain. Fortunately, there are steps we can take to live remorselessly. 

It's easy to feel regret about those moments when we think, "I can't believe I did that." And it's not wrong to reject those mistakes. However, we have problems when regrets take over our lives.

Not very good decisions

Bad decisions can cause regrets. Decisions like lies, premarital sex, theft, or even murder can, and certainly should, cause regret. Whether we are rich or poor, famous or ordinary people, we are all susceptible to remorse when we do not make good decisions.

David was chosen by God to be king in Israel. God specifically chose David (Acts 13:22). However, David made great mistakes as a king — errors that upset God and caused David great remorse. In his actions, David committed adultery with the wife of a faithful servant, signed the death sentence of a faithful servant to hide his own guilt, and thus made that servant's wife a widow. He broke God's commandments and ultimately caused the death of his own son (2 Samuel 12: 9-18).

David had legitimate reasons to harbor regrets.

And, unfortunately, David is not the only chosen person who has made unfortunate decisions.

Persecutor

How much would you like to be remembered as the person who most persecuted the Church?

Saul, later known as the Apostle Paul, was that persecutor. Saul approved that Stephen was stoned to death and also "devastated the church" (Acts 8: 3). Many of the early Church were put in prison and some died, all due to Saul's persecution (Acts 9: 1; 26:10).

If anyone would have reason to be full of remorse, it was the man who later became the Apostle Paul!

But why wasn't he?

How did Paul overcome remorse from his past? And how did David overcome the tragedies he unleashed?  

How to overcome regrets

First, let's look at David. He could have allowed the effects of his bad decisions to separate him from God — but he did not. David brought his remorse to God.

What did David do when he had that moment when we all say, "I don't know how I could do such a thing"? David humbled himself before God. David's prayer in Psalm 51 shows us three fundamental steps to overcome remorse. These are:

Acknowledge: David confessed that he had sinned against God. He also admitted that God was just, that he judged righteously, which is an important thing to remember when we suffer the consequences of our bad decisions (vv. 3-4).

Repentance: David began his prayer asking for mercy — sorry. David understood that he could not recover and move forward without the help of God.

Commitment: David asked God to release him from his guilt and restore his joy. In turn, he would praise God's justice and teach others to do the same (Psalm 51: 12-15). To remove remorse, we must change — be converted — and understand that our righteous Father has given us new life, and so we strive to become a positive example to others in our words and actions. These examples will play an important role in helping others affected by our wrong decisions to heal as we find forgiveness as well. If you want to dig deeper into forgiveness, see the “Six Steps to Forgiveness” box.   

David overcame remorse for his faith in God's forgiveness and the understanding of his call to be an example of justice for all.

From persecutor to apostle

So how could Paul live a life without unbearable regrets?

Paul recognized his past (1 Corinthians 15: 9). He also recognized that his call was not by his own works, but by "the grace of God" that helped him "work harder" (v. 10). True repentance and acceptance of God's Holy Spirit enabled Paul to see beyond himself — and God's plan for his life.

The difference between regret and remorse is that repentance leads to physical and spiritual change, while remorse only leads to guilt. Without true repentance, Paul would have been at the mercy of his remorse. The difference between repentance and remorse is that repentance leads to physical and spiritual change, while remorse only leads to guilt: “Because the sadness that is according to God produces repentance for salvation, that there is no need to repent; but the sadness of the world produces death ”(2 Corinthians 7:10).   

Paul found a way to move beyond remorse by repenting and then accepting that the old things had died for the forgiveness of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5: 16-19). Paul left his past behind and kept focused on what he could change, not what he couldn't (Philippians 3:13).

Hope to live without regrets

The steps David took to overcome his remorse are the same as the apostle Paul took to get out of his past. We also have the ability to follow the same steps.

Yes, regrets have the peculiarity of lasting longer than the mistakes that cause them. Regrets can also make us feel worthless or unable to make amends. The good news is that there is hope to leave behind our regrets. We must accept the fact that we made mistakes — that we have negatively affected the lives of others, our own lives, and, more importantly, our relationship with our Father in heaven. We must ask forgiveness from our merciful Creator, as well as ask forgiveness from those we have affected. And we must have faith in the mercy of God.  

We all make bad decisions. It is what we do next that determines the direction of our lives. We are not doomed to live a life of self-loathing without hope of mercy — if we move forward, striving to be better, striving to overcome, striving to live each day as an example of justice for others. By following these steps, we can truly eliminate regrets.   

Box: Six steps to forgiveness

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you needed to ask God and others for forgiveness? Let's see some steps to remember:

Accepting responsibility: The first step in obtaining forgiveness is admitting that you did something wrong. Too often people fall into the denial or blame game when they do something that affects others. The Word of God tells us: “He who conceals his sins will not prosper; but he who confesses them and turns aside will obtain mercy ”(Proverbs 28:13). 

Repent: When we admit that we made a mistake, our next step should be to go before God. Nothing matters more than letting our Father know that we understand that we made a mistake and that we want to be right with Him. We must express repentance according to God and ask that our sins be covered by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Repenting means changing — showing determination not to repeat sinful thoughts and actions. 

Asking for forgiveness: Asking someone for forgiveness for something serious we have done can be stressful and even terrifying. When we face the great task of asking for forgiveness, let us remember the words of the apostle Paul: “Do not be anxious about anything, but let your requests be known before God in all prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus ”(Philippians 4: 6-7). 

Reconcile: the act of being reconciled or giving back is a fundamental element of forgiveness. Scripture shows us the importance of making peace with our brother before we can properly relate to our Heavenly Father (Matthew 5: 23-24). Restitution can occur in many ways. It may be restoring money or personal property, or even trying to remedy the pain caused by painful words. You must do what you can to correct a situation, or the other person will not be willing to forgive and reconcile. 

Pray for a forgiving heart: Just because we have followed the steps above, this does not mean that the person we have offended is ready and willing to forgive us. It is also important to pray that the other party is also willing to forgive us. The prayers of the righteous can have a positive effect . 

Accept the outcome: we can follow all these steps and without having managed to erase the hurt feelings and the mistrust that the other person feels. Maybe they don't want to forgive us. If this is the case and you have done everything possible to fix the situation, then leave the matter to God. God heals the broken heart and heals the wounds (Psalm 147: 3), but everyone has the responsibility to go to God asking for healing. At this point we have a responsibility to continue to pray for the correct attitude of all involved (including ourselves) and to set the right example as we move forward. 

No regrets? 

Those decisions that we make in life and that are not so good, can remain in our lives for years. Even after the effects have worn off, regrets may remain. Fortunately, there are steps we can take to live remorselessly. 

It's easy to feel regret about those moments when we think, "I can't believe I did that." And it's not wrong to reject those mistakes. However, we have problems when regrets take over our lives.

Not very good decisions

Bad decisions can cause regrets. Decisions like lies, premarital sex, theft, or even murder can, and certainly should, cause regret. Whether we are rich or poor, famous or ordinary people, we are all susceptible to remorse when we do not make good decisions.

David was chosen by God to be king in Israel. God specifically chose David (Acts 13:22). However, David made great mistakes as a king — errors that upset God and caused David great remorse. In his actions, David committed adultery with the wife of a faithful servant, signed the death sentence of a faithful servant to hide his own guilt, and thus made that servant's wife a widow. He broke God's commandments and ultimately caused the death of his own son (2 Samuel 12: 9-18).

David had legitimate reasons to harbor regrets.

And, unfortunately, David is not the only chosen person who has made unfortunate decisions.

Persecutor

How much would you like to be remembered as the person who most persecuted the Church?

Saul, later known as the Apostle Paul, was that persecutor. Saul approved that Stephen was stoned to death and also "devastated the church" (Acts 8: 3). Many of the early Church were put in prison and some died, all due to Saul's persecution (Acts 9: 1; 26:10).

If anyone would have reason to be full of remorse, it was the man who later became the Apostle Paul!

But why wasn't he?

How did Paul overcome remorse from his past? And how did David overcome the tragedies he unleashed?  

How to overcome regrets

First, let's look at David. He could have allowed the effects of his bad decisions to separate him from God — but he did not. David brought his remorse to God.

What did David do when he had that moment when we all say, "I don't know how I could do such a thing"? David humbled himself before God. David's prayer in Psalm 51 shows us three fundamental steps to overcome remorse. These are:

Acknowledge: David confessed that he had sinned against God. He also admitted that God was just, that he judged righteously, which is an important thing to remember when we suffer the consequences of our bad decisions (vv. 3-4).

Repentance: David began his prayer asking for mercy — sorry. David understood that he could not recover and move forward without the help of God.

Commitment: David asked God to release him from his guilt and restore his joy. In turn, he would praise God's justice and teach others to do the same (Psalm 51: 12-15). To remove remorse, we must change — be converted — and understand that our righteous Father has given us new life, and so we strive to become a positive example to others in our words and actions. These examples will play an important role in helping others affected by our wrong decisions to heal as we find forgiveness as well. If you want to dig deeper into forgiveness, see the “Six Steps to Forgiveness” box.   

David overcame remorse for his faith in God's forgiveness and the understanding of his call to be an example of justice for all.

From persecutor to apostle

So how could Paul live a life without unbearable regrets?

Paul recognized his past (1 Corinthians 15: 9). He also recognized that his call was not by his own works, but by "the grace of God" that helped him "work harder" (v. 10). True repentance and acceptance of God's Holy Spirit enabled Paul to see beyond himself — and God's plan for his life.

The difference between regret and remorse is that repentance leads to physical and spiritual change, while remorse only leads to guilt. Without true repentance, Paul would have been at the mercy of his remorse. The difference between repentance and remorse is that repentance leads to physical and spiritual change, while remorse only leads to guilt: “Because the sadness that is according to God produces repentance for salvation, that there is no need to repent; but the sadness of the world produces death ”(2 Corinthians 7:10).   

Paul found a way to move beyond remorse by repenting and then accepting that the old things had died for the forgiveness of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5: 16-19). Paul left his past behind and kept focused on what he could change, not what he couldn't (Philippians 3:13).

Hope to live without regrets

The steps David took to overcome his remorse are the same as the apostle Paul took to get out of his past. We also have the ability to follow the same steps.

Yes, regrets have the peculiarity of lasting longer than the mistakes that cause them. Regrets can also make us feel worthless or unable to make amends. The good news is that there is hope to leave behind our regrets. We must accept the fact that we made mistakes — that we have negatively affected the lives of others, our own lives, and, more importantly, our relationship with our Father in heaven. We must ask forgiveness from our merciful Creator, as well as ask forgiveness from those we have affected. And we must have faith in the mercy of God.  

We all make bad decisions. It is what we do next that determines the direction of our lives. We are not doomed to live a life of self-loathing without hope of mercy — if we move forward, striving to be better, striving to overcome, striving to live each day as an example of justice for others. By following these steps, we can truly eliminate regrets.   

Box: Six steps to forgiveness

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you needed to ask God and others for forgiveness? Let's see some steps to remember:

Accepting responsibility: The first step in obtaining forgiveness is admitting that you did something wrong. Too often people fall into the denial or blame game when they do something that affects others. The Word of God tells us: “He who conceals his sins will not prosper; but he who confesses them and turns aside will obtain mercy ”(Proverbs 28:13). 

Repent: When we admit that we made a mistake, our next step should be to go before God. Nothing matters more than letting our Father know that we understand that we made a mistake and that we want to be right with Him. We must express repentance according to God and ask that our sins be covered by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Repenting means changing — showing determination not to repeat sinful thoughts and actions. 

Asking for forgiveness: Asking someone for forgiveness for something serious we have done can be stressful and even terrifying. When we face the great task of asking for forgiveness, let us remember the words of the apostle Paul: “Do not be anxious about anything, but let your requests be known before God in all prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus ”(Philippians 4: 6-7). 

Reconcile: the act of being reconciled or giving back is a fundamental element of forgiveness. Scripture shows us the importance of making peace with our brother before we can properly relate to our Heavenly Father (Matthew 5: 23-24). Restitution can occur in many ways. It may be restoring money or personal property, or even trying to remedy the pain caused by painful words. You must do what you can to correct a situation, or the other person will not be willing to forgive and reconcile. 

Pray for a forgiving heart: Just because we have followed the steps above, this does not mean that the person we have offended is ready and willing to forgive us. It is also important to pray that the other party is also willing to forgive us. The prayers of the righteous can have a positive effect . 

Accept the outcome: we can follow all these steps and without having managed to erase the hurt feelings and the mistrust that the other person feels. Maybe they don't want to forgive us. If this is the case and you have done everything possible to fix the situation, then leave the matter to God. God heals the broken heart and heals the wounds (Psalm 147: 3), but everyone has the responsibility to go to God asking for healing. At this point we have a responsibility to continue to pray for the correct attitude of all involved (including ourselves) and to set the right example as we move forward.